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Nemo has spent the past couple of weeks honing his social media skills with Twitter and Facebook.   This illness began when we were advised by our highly-savvy blog consultants on the Left Coast that  the best way to build readership for the Daily Cannibal involved learning the ins and outs of tweeting and Facebook friending.  A  Twitter account and Facebook page were duly created for the Cannibal, complete with snappy graphics that included our top-of-the-page poster boy.  Off we went.

Thank you, boys, for pushing pushing us down this nightmare vortex of unimaginable inanity.

To get me started, the boys had us “follow” about 300 people on Twitter.  These were almost all news sources of one sort or another, clearly chosen with the assumption that nemo, like all enlightened people, was a screaming radical 60s throwback, or at the very least a Marin County hausfrau.  The cataract of nonsense we were compelled to endure before a reasonable weeding could be effected was oddly illuminating.  We knew these folks were out there, but had no idea they came in so many flavors and colors.   Strangely, we found ourselves attracted to many of them, if only for the improbability of their disorientation.  So we kept about 150 of these, and added the same number of  right-leaning pundits, which necessarily included a sampling of tightly-twisted wingnuts.

But it’s the constant barrage of squawks coming at you like a spring freshet that finally wears you down.  Most of it is actually within the borders of reason, but at ten items a minute, there’s enough dopiness to wear out a veteran of the Catholic confessional.  Here’s a small string:

Liberal brains bigger in areas of complexity; conservative brains bigger in areas of fear
Chris Brogan
chrisbrogan Chris Brogan
Off to bed. When you replenish, the world gives you so many more opportunities.
Huffington Post
HuffingtonPost Huffington Post

Preparing For Passover! Four tips on leading your first Seder.

Okay — the first is just wonderful.  Liberals are smarter than conservatives — and we can prove it!   Read the link!  When you do, you find some pseudoscience defining areas of brain function in wonderful ways.
The second is classic Twittter “what the hell is he talking about” syndrome, where the need to compress an idea into 140 characters flattens any possibility of articulation.
The third is just hilarious.  I didn’t bother clicking on the link; I was too busy writing my own tips.
1.  Learn Hebrew.
2.  Send invitation to Elijah.
3.  Don’t forget to smear the lamb’s blood over the doorway.
4.  Don’t light the menorah.  That’s for the other holiday.
The overdose of data proved fatal.  Although Twitter was a fantastic font of possible story ideas, it seemed impossible to stop researching and start writing.  We were awash with gore, and wanted to fight with every idiot on the site.  Impossible.  Overwrought, we finally decided to take a break.  Two quick posts ensued.  But we know we can’t stay away.  We hear it calling:  “Tweet.  Tweet.  Tweet.”  And look:
Michael Ian Black
michaelianblack Michael Ian Black
So sick of Jane Austen and her bullshit.

Can’t wait.  I think I like this guy.