Well, I got it all wrong. It wasn’t Weiner who wronged anyone; it was we who wronged Weiner.
Being, as I am, a narrow-minded insensitive ass, I thought that, if someone called everyone else a liar when he was actually doing the lying, well, that would be a bad thing. The person who did that would be a bad man. But there are no bad men. There are only sick men. And they need counseling.
While they are being counseled, it is their right and privilege to remain as a member of Congress, which, after all. has seen its fair share of sick men. And women. (What? Well, does the name “McKinley” strike a bell?) After all, this great nation can certainly find it in its heart to feel compassion for a young man, so very promising, who has done so much to promote the common good. And for those who find that he has actually only ever promoted himself, which a a great weight of evidence asserts, we understand your demur, but question your humanity.
That’s because I now wish to enroll myself in the ranks of those who are enlightened, and share with them the great satisfaction of forgiving sins. After all, who among us is without offense? And if someone has given their life to public service, should we not be even more willing to accept their frailties, and welcome the continuance of their efforts in our behalf?
Or should we be so mean spirited as to suggest that someone who has confessed their weakness — their “panic” — and has sought both forgiveness and counseling to remedy their error, should not in fact be even more favored in our sight?
Is this not the ideal public servant? Let us not abjure Congressman Weiner. Let us instead welcome his public penitence, his sincere desire to seek help, and his solemn word that he will no longer engage in the scene-stealing, race baiting look-at-me histrionics that have hitherto characterized his career, and instead welcome him to a new life of reformed attitude, which shall surely be conferred upon him by psychological savants over the weekend.
After all, what are his sins compared to his legislative accomplishments? While none come immediately to mind, we are assured by his defenders that they are many. And even though Pelosi, Reid, and all the rest of the Democrat leadership have abandoned him, we recall his spirited…okay, I’m tired of this.
If this dimwit won’t resign, it’s no skin off my nose. Let him parade his sorry ass before the electorate until the weight of shame — not for his silly little tweets, but for his amazing self-centered lies and deceptions — drags him into everlasting infamy, in which he is only remembered for a pair of grey shorts.