We read today that Emory University has announced that it has developed a medication that appears to cure Type A diabetes in mice.  Not too long ago, it was also reported that researchers had cured certain types of deafness in mice as well.  I thought to myself that, if nothing else, this nation probably has the healthiest mice in the world, and then it hit me like a thunderbolt from Zeus.

As usual, we miss the obvious.   Here we have spent trillions of dollars and man-hours on evolving medications upward from treating rodents to treating humans, just because we are too garboiled stupid to see the noses on the ends of our faces.  They should have whiskers.

Think about it:  the solution to many, if not most, of the complex problems confronting our planet would be dwarfed (literally) into insignificance if we just figured out — and why not — how to devolve humans into mice.  Just give us an erect posture and opposable thumbs, and we’re there!

Brain capacity?  No problem.  We only use, we think, a small portion of our physical brains anyway; and if we could miniaturize a computer the size of a laundry truck into an iPad, we ought to be able to squeeze current human cranial capability into something very small indeed.

The medical implications are astonishing, as noted earlier.  But much more interesting benefits also emerge.

Forget global warming.  How big would a mouse’s car be?  Average heating costs for a 5 bedroom house?  Agricultural production?  And as for polluting everything from oceans to landscapes — a thing of the past.

Of course, certain things would suffer, but nothing comes without a cost.  The world record for the hundred yard dash would most likely hold up for millennia.  Few mouse-people would keep a dog or a cat in the home.   Pigeons would become dangerous predators.  Flood levels would have to be redefined, and so on.

But a whole new universe could emerge.  Interplanetary space travel could be within our grasp.  We’d have a much smaller payload; food would be easy to grow on board, and we could travel huge distances delivering future generations to the stars, because we would breed like — well….

I dunno.  It’s probably a crackpot idea.  But the next time someone says “Are we mice or men,” I might answer “Actually, we’d be better off mice.”

 

(Thanks, Van.)