Alarming news for men from the Boston University School of Medicine: if you smoke, it makes your dick shorter.
We’re not sure how to treat this information. First of all, who decided that it was important to know this? As a deterrent to smoking it may sound effective, but — graphic photos of lung cancer? Heart attacks? Emphysema? If those aren’t scary enough to compel someone to quit, will dickie-shrinkage really have an impact?
Well, sure, says one Stasia Bliss, a reporter at the Las Vegas Review Guardian. Stasia opines:
The size of a man’s genitalia is a sensitive subject to say the least. Battles have been waged, women won and egos crushed by over-emphasizing the size of a man’s penis. To some lovers, size is important, while to others, it’s more about the connection. If you are a man, however, the size of your sexual parts can define your perception of masculinity, even if it’s just a figment of imagination.
This summary may seem over the top to some , but for the time being, let’s accept Stasia’s assertion that men are size-obsessed. The study still raises some questions. First of all, where is this data coming from? According to Stasia:
The Boston University School of Medicine studied 200 erect men.
“Erect men?” As opposed to what? Cro-Magnon types with sloping brows and dragging knuckles? Second — who did the measuring? Under what circumstances? Most men are reluctant to have their genitalia handled by other men. And if it’s women doing the measuring, don’t other factors enter in? Would a measurement by an Olivia Wilde type produce a longer Anthony Weiner than, say, a dead ringer for Nancy Pelosi?
Finally, the big question. How much do dicks shrink? According to Stasia:
Studies have shown penis shrinkage occurs through the act of smoking by as much as one whole centimeter.
That’s about a third of an inch. Stasia, seriously: could you tell the difference? “One whole centimeter?” Isn’t that a lot like “one whole lot of not a goddamn thing?”
Still, you have to like the whole new slant on “junk science.” We’ll give BU the benefit of the doubt — that this data was abstracted from a wider study of nicotine vasoconstriction, but:
Stasia — get a life.